my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
