This is not my ceiling
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am one with the molecules
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
