Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
