is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
PS: I just woke up from my shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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