I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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