I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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