Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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