god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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