you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
