well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
