Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
