found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
