So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
