Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
