I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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