Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
