I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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