Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
