I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
