i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
