Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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