I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
