I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
