weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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