he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
