i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
