On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Randomize
