Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
