My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
