She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
