I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
