I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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