I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
