and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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