I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
