Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that's an acceptable place to lick
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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