I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
