I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
