sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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