the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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