You really coming over, don't trick.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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