Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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