I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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