I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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