Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
