What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
