Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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