We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
