My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
