I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
