I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
