I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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