your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
